Adoption Update

Here's the update.  On Monday the 17th we got a text from our case worker asking us if we got an email from an expectant mom.  We told her that we hadn't and told her that we felt so bad that there was someone out there waiting for our reply.  We felt VERY bad.  Our caseworker contacted her caseworker (who we love by the way) and we got a new email.  I did call our caseworker just to make sure that she was a registered birth mom with the agency and to make sure that it was not a scam.  We were super excited to hear that she was real but were not getting our hopes up.  We also decided that we were not going to tell our family or friends.  We thought that it would be really fun to just show up with a baby.  We did agree that we could both tell one person.  I of course called Kellie (my birth mom sister).  Kellie and I talk adoption almost daily.  Brian called Amy who lives right down the street.  This was a very smart move on his part because she helped us lie to his parents in the end.  I was sure he was going to call Angela, his sister from Arizona who adopted a little over a year ago.

We emailed back and forth with Nancy and waited anxiously for replies.  We found out that she just turned 16 and lives in Wyoming.  We were planning a get together on Friday.  Brian took the day off and we arranged with Brian's parents for them to watch Lauren for the day.  We went back and forth with Nancy and our caseworker for a few days to try to finalize a time.  Friday was not going to work because Nancy had some things going on.  On Friday night we got word that we were going to meet in Wyoming on Saturday around 5:30 at a park.  Luckily it is only about 2 hours away.  We told our parents and told them that we were going to Park City to go shopping and to go out to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse (since we have a gift certificate for there).  The gift certificate thing is true but I guess we will save that for our 11th anniversary in December.

We got to the park a little early and met Loni (her case worker) and she gave us a little more information since we really had very little.  We were so grateful that she was there with us since we felt comfortable with her.  It was also good for Nancy because she felt comfortable with her as well.  We sat at a park and just talked for a little over an hour.  It was really good.  I didn't think that I would be nervous but my hands were dripping.  Seriously dripping!  I felt stupid wiping them on my pants every 3-4 minutes.  I don't think anyone noticed too much.  We did feel very comfortable with her.  She was VERY logical and has spent a lot of time making the right decision for her and her baby.  She seems a LOT more grown up than 16.  A lot.  We were very impressed by this.  

After we spent time at the park we headed over to the diner where her mom works for Dinner.  We met her mom and she was very nice.  I was a little more quiet during dinner because I was getting a migraine.  Which is never a good thing without meds and being 2 hours away from home.  I was kind of starting to panic.  We wrapped things up and switched phone numbers.  Then Nancy filled the back of our car with a ton of baby stuff that she had collected over the months.  It was so sweet!  That was the moment when it all seemed real to me.  That's when I realized that she approved of us and that she was really going to go through with things.  It was a very sweet experience for me.  She gave us 3 garbage bags full of clothes, a car seat, a wipes warmer, lots of blankets and a few other things.

Again we were planning on keeping things a secret from everyone and we had done a good job at lying.  Especially since we are the WORST liars ever.  It was SO SO HARD trying to keep them all straight.  I don't know how people do this.  It was hard.

That next day was the Temple dedication for the Brigham City temple.  They had 3 different sessions so my mom and dad watched Lauren while we went to the second one.  I was sitting in the church next to Corey (my sister who I am REALLY close with) and I wanted to talk to her so bad but couldn't.  I started to cry and cry and cry.  I turned to Brian and told him that I had to tell her.  We discussed it for a minute and then I turned to her and told her that I had something to tell her but she had to keep it quiet.  She promised me!  I just looked at her and started crying even harder and she just knew.  To say that she was so excited was an understatement.  She just teared up and I gave her the 30 second update.  Then... the dedication started so I told her that I would tell her more later.  She was freaking out because she wanted all of the details.  She would turn to me every once in a while and ask a short question and I would reply back a one word answer.  It was so hard for either one of us to focus.  I felt very bad that we did not get more out of the dedication.  When we got into the car she hopped in to get more details.  At this time I was talking to Brian and telling him that I felt we should tell our families.  He was NOT on board.  I told him that I needed their support and that I was freaking out about getting my hopes up and getting hurt that I really needed to be able to talk to them.  I was struggling with being happy because I was trying to keep all of the lies straight.  He finally agreed and we told Corey that we would give her more details with the rest of the family.  I felt bad because she had to wait another 2 hours until she got details.  She was going CRAZY!

When we received the first email from Nancy it was a very general email.  A few days later our case worker passed on the original email that she sent to us that pretty much said that she had chosen us.  We were at my parents (as usual for a Sunday dinner) and Corey and her family, Joel and his family, Kellie and Philip, and my mom and dad were there.  After we finished dinner I told them that I had the spiritual thought for the day.  I gave my dad the letter (thinking that he would be the least likely to bawl) and told him to read it.  He did just that but started reading it to himself.  He got to the part where she said that "we both believe you are the right couple for our baby" and he knew.  We had him read it OUT LOUD then and the whole family broke down into tears.  It was so fun to see their relief.  They have all been praying for this moment for us for years.  It was a testimony builder for all of us.  They had so many questions but we had very limited information at that point.  It was a very special moment for my family.  

After that we headed over to Brian's parents house to tell them.  We did the same thing with Brian's parents.  They read the letter and bawled.  They did feel like something was going on from us asking them to watch Lauren without giving any excuse.  But they waited for us to come to them.

Since we broke the news to both of our families we decided that it was best for people to hear from us so we did the mass update with Lauren's picture of her in her new shirt on facebook and on our blog.  We have been completely overwhelmed by the love and support of all of our friends and family.  This is a feeling that I have never felt in my life.  I know this sounds crazy but I was literally overwhelmed by the love of everyone and could feel the blessings coming from my father in heaven.  I have had to say a few quick prayers to help me to breath through the whole thing.  Everyone wanted to help but there was nothing that we needed yet.

At this point my house looked like a baby store had thrown up in it.  We went through all of the clothes from Nancy, all of the clothes from Corey, and all of the clothes from Kellie.  It was exhausting and took days!  People were still wanting to help so  I just told people that I needed them to keep me calm and to pray for Nancy and her family and the birth father and his family.

We also had a chance to talk to Lauren about it.  Everywhere she goes she tells people that she is going to be a big sister and that her little brother "Liam Scott Smith" will be here in 3-5 weeks.  That was another difficult thing for me to deal with.  I could risk the fact that this may not work out and that I could get hurt I could not deal with her little heart being broken.  Brian has been very helpful to keep me grounded and to remind me to have faith.  There have been so many blessings that we can see and I now feel like things will be okay.

This post has been a little more emotional that the past posts.  I hope you don't mind reading my raw emotions.  I really wanted to get it in here so I can remember it forever.  (Remember, this is also a family journal for us since we print it up into a book.)  Thank you for continuing to read this.  That means to us that you care about us and our family.  We appreciate your support.  Please continue to pray for Nancy and her family and our birth father and his family (I will not put his name here yet because I do not have his approval yet.  Hopefully I will be able to update you on him soon.)

Here are our pictures of us and Nancy at the park.