Foreign exchange students say goodbye
They say that saying goodbye is hard to do. This may be especially true for host families of foreign exchange students. As this year's crop of exchange students prepares to part with their American families, Janelle Smith, remembers her own experience saying goodbye as "heartbreaking."
"I cried for months," Smith said. "We had a farewell party one week before our two foreign exchange students left last year. From the day before the party until the day after, it was non-stop tears. You love them like your own kids."
Smith, who had such a positive experience, has since become an area representative for International Student Exchange. She said the students who come sell themselves with teachers and friends and make a lasting impression on host families. They are bright and fun people who speak two to four languages and, in Utah County at least, have to maintain a B average to stay. They love doing American things like eating s'mores and camping.
These students not only leave a lasting impression on their host families, but they take their impressions home. LoriAnne Spear, also a former Cedar Hills host parent, said last year her foreign exchange student, Anne, blogged about her experiences here, and this led to a cultural exchange with her home community. Anne described what it was like to attend The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints along with youth activities and pictures of the Mount Timpanogos Temple. She wrote about small things like getting to take lunch to school in a brown paper sack and bigger things related to American culture.
"The kids see these iconic events through the media in their own countries and then get to come to the United States to experience them," Spear said. "In under a month, our Anne went to the state high school basketball championship, saw Jimmer play at BYU and went to a Jazz game. She called it basketball mania!"
"We learned to be ourselves, not a perfectly packaged version of what we thought she'd want," Spear said. "We tried to make Anne's dad and sister a part of everything big that she was doing, like prom, Christmas, etc. through Skype. Our kids learned close up that other's world views are interesting and valuable. The most rewarding things have been the love that grew in our hearts for her, and her love for us. It takes some time for that to develop, but it is wonderful, and then terrible at the end when she left though she has since visited."
There are 328 foreign exchange students this year on a J1 visa. These are divided between school districts depending on district size. There are also students who come on an F1 visa who do not work through an agency, but privately through a family. The family pays the school tuition. The students who come on a J1 visa come with their own money. It is expensive. They have to save at home and then wait. It is difficult to find enough families who are willing to host the students for the school year.
The Kap family in Highland is one such family. Lynette Kap is preparing to say goodbye to Jesper, pronounced Yespa. She said Jesper has been "a really good boy." He and the family have learned a lot about culture and each other. They don't say things are better or worse, just different. She said at first it was odd to have a stranger in the house, but they learned so much together. Her family explored many areas in Utah and the United States and did a service trip to Mexico. She said they never would have done any of it if Jesper hadn't come.
"Even with all those differences, he's just like my teenagers -- in the pantry and on the computer all of the time," Kap said.
Smith said potential host families are subject to State Department regulations, which require two home visits and a background check for anyone in the family who is older than 18. In the visits, she checks for things like a real bed for the student as opposed to an air mattress, etc. Exchange students can share a room with a child in the family, but they have to be the same gender and age appropriate.
"When I do home checks, I always go in thinking, would I be comfortable having my own child stay here?" Smith said.
The children do get comfortable and it is sometimes hard to leave. Jesper said this is the best thing he has ever done and that he has a "way good" host family that really helps him. He also said the LDS Church's predominance was his biggest worry, but it turned out to be his biggest advantage.
"The religion part hasn't been a problem," Jesper said. "I found my first friends at church, and they have been very open. Because most people are LDS, I don't get pressured to do things that you're not allowed to do as an exchange student. The whole experience has been so good."
Jesper said the hardest thing about coming to the United States was missing his friends and family at home and now the hardest part about leaving will be missing his new family and friends.
"It will be hard to say goodbye," Kap said. 'It is a lot of work to add another child to the family, but we've grown so close. I think we'll always have a relationship with Jesper. He's not a stranger anymore."
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